I think that I have been a fairly independent and self-sufficient woman most of my life. I’m 50 years old and I have been self-employed as a computer consultant, traveled independently around the globe, lived and worked in different countries, sailed across the Atlantic, been the owner of an IT business with employees in a foreign country, owned an old wooden sailboat, and done a lot of back-packing and long distance cycling on my own.

Currently I’m the primary bread winner, home repair woman, financial woman, meal preparer, cleaning woman, procurement woman (groceries and everything else shopping), trash woman, high-tech wheelchair repair woman, medical organizer, overall administrator and social organizer, along with providing care for my physically disabled husband. I also do a lot of heavy lifting, house renovations, minor car repair, minor electrical work, home computer and telecommunication systems maintenance, gardening and chain sawing of trees etc.

What I realise is that although I have the capability, there are many times I have deferred to others when it comes to home repairs if it was something I have not done before. Even though I come from a family where much was done DIY, there was still an underlying feeling that I would not do it right. It was almost as if I accepted it was “man’s” work, because somehow they knew better and would do it right. I also did not receive the training like many boys do to know what tools to use, how to handle machinery, understand parts and sizes, etc.

When you are in a relationship, and your partner is doing this, it may work that you get what you want with them doing the work. Usually, it means a lot of stress between you along the way, and not getting what you had planned for. If you hire someone to do it, usually you are left very frustrated, because invariably, they do not do what you have asked for, and they charge a lot along the way. They also almost always seem to think that they know best for what you want, even though they usually have no clue, and you end up paying to have it done again.

I always seemed to justify not doing some things myself because I thought others would do it better. Sure, for some things, people with a lot of experience will do it better. For example, a new kitchen or bathroom that require heavy electrical and plumbing work. What they will not do better is the everyday mundane things like hanging something in your bathroom, putting shelves up, restoring woodwork, hanging the curtain rods, fixing a lamp, etc.

I’m going to digress, and post one of my favourite video’s about technology.

Relative to that, here is my take on what many of us women do, because we leave it up to others, usually men, to do basic installation and repairs on something simple like installing a shampoo and soap holder in the bathroom shower:

• I go buy a shampoo and soap holder that does not require any installation. This means worthless fucking suction cups that won’t stick, so I clean the tiles and try again. Rinse and repeat many times.
• While I’m sleeping, I hear afore mentioned fucking shampoo and soap holder fall, and I think there is a burglar. Dogs barking, me in a tizzy, etc. Rinse and repeat many times.
• I go pick-up the shampoo and soap off the shower floor because of the fucking worthless suction cups don’t fucking work. Rinse and repeat many times.
• I replace all the shampoo that has spilled out and clean up the fucking soap. Rinse and repeat many times.
• I go quickly buy another fucking shampoo and soap holder because a contractor happens to be there to install it.
• The contractor installs it too high, not in the right position, etc.  Ours was installed by a 6’5” man, and you can imagine how useful that was for a kid!
• Because I had to quickly purchase it, the fucking shampoo and soap holder is a piece of fucking crap and rusts within a year.
• Return to step one, wash and repeat.
• I go buy a proper shampoo and soap holder that requires drilling some holes in tiles, that I was previously afraid of doing because I had never drilled into tiles.
• Get the drill out and drill a small hole. Get a bigger drill bit out and increase the hole. Fasten shampoo and soap holder to the fucking wall.
• Done!

Where I live, only 18% of women are financially independent. If you add on top of this how many women are not independent with home and car repairs, it is staggering to think how many women are dependent on others. I will never forget 2 occasions as a woman where other women were completely unable and unwilling to help me.

One was when my husband was in ICU and dying. I had a flat tire in a suburban area late on a Sunday night. I was having a hard time with my tire iron, because it had rusted (along with lug nuts and most of the car!). I asked 3-4 women if I could borrow theirs, and in each case, none of them even knew what a tire iron was, even though I was showing them mine.

The same happened when I needed a jump-start in a medical facility where I asked the only other people around, who happened to be women. Of the 3-4 women I asked, not one of them would help me, because they did not know where their battery was. I had the cables and let them know I would do all the work, but still they were too afraid to help a compatriot in need. This is very sad ladies!

I bought my husband a semi-professional table saw a few years back. He can’t use it now, but I am determined to learn it, and he has promised to help. Yes, I am afraid of a large object with spinning teeth coming at me, but it is better to conquer that fear than deal with the rest. I am more afraid of relying on others for basic needs.

If you can raise a kid (I did not do that, but know it’s way challenging), cook a complex meal, keep your house clean, surely all of us must be able to do these basic repairs. Besides, there is nothing more gratifying than wielding a chainsaw in front of someone, usually a man,  who has a stupid comment to make!

Please join me in helping me and other women to gain strength and becoming independent in doing some of the things we might be afraid of, by showing solidarity and helping each other. Teach your daughters, by setting examples for them, and ask your men to teach them too. Becoming independent and raising/mentoring independent women is the most important thing we can do. We can do it ladies!

The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. ― Carlos Castaneda