Why I don’t help people with their computers…
Like many people who have worked in computer technology for a long time, I am often asked to help with people’s computers. Over the years, I have done this quite often, but have been burned many times by trying to help. I just had a situation that won the award for the most badly behaved end user when asking for free help.
The story starts when I first met this person less than a year ago. I mentioned what I do for work and she asked if I can help with her computer. I thought this was a good opportunity, at the beginning, to not repeat past problems and explained that I do not like to help people with their computers for a variety of reasons, including having been burnt in the past, especially by beginner users.
I explained that the only thing I could do was give her some basic advice for where she could gain more knowledge so she could help herself, and why it was better for her to be able to help herself. She said that she would not be the type who would blame me if something went wrong, but said she understood my view and that it was good that I was honest about it.
Many times since, she has asked me about her computer, and seemed almost proud that she had taken no action to learn anything about it. I repeatedly explained that I was not willing to help someone who would not first help themselves to learn something about it. She continued to do absolutely nothing to learn more and randomly asked other people to help her. I mentioned that what she was doing was probably not the best approach, but gave up after it was clear that she was not listening.
A few months ago I was very busy preparing to leave on a trip. Yet again she asked me for help, because she said she really needed to get her e-mail working. I had sent her information about the changes to Hotmail accounts earlier, which is what she had, but she refused to do anything about it. Against all my better judgement, I agreed to help, but explained that the only thing I would be willing to help her with was setting up a Gmail account. I told her that she needed to learn herself about what we were doing, and she needed to be the one typing on the keyboard, and she agreed.
What transpired was the typical situation. I spent 3 hours on one of the few nice Sunday afternoons arguing with someone who had no idea about what they were talking about, and would take no personal responsibility to even read the screen prompts (that was in her, not my, native language!). I purposefully turned away, and explained to her why I was turning away, when she entered any password information. After many struggles she finally managed to setup her account. I thought this was a done deal.
I explained how we had some times that our WiFi connection did not work, and asked if I could use her WiFi connection if ours went down. I thought this was a reasonable request, especially given that I had just helped her. I told her I would test it once to see if it worked, which I did, but beyond that I would not use it without asking her, which I didn’t. I also said that I would give her our WiFi login in case she needed it. We have the same arrangement with another neighbour, and everyone who comes to our house is also given our WiFi login. To me, this is not a big deal – right? Wrong.
When I came back from my tripI called her. After some small chat I sensed something was wrong. Then she blurted out “why did you hack my computer system”. I asked her what she meant, and she said that after I helped her that her Gmail crashed and someone had hacked into it her system, and that it could only have been me. I told her that I did not hack her system and that I did not have her system login/password or her Gmail login/password to do that. I was shocked, because II had completely forgotten about even helping her on this.
She would not let me explain to her the absurdity of her allegations, and continued to accuse me of “hacking into her system”. I also mentioned to her that it would not even make sense, because I knew she did not use her system for anything but e-mail, because she refused to learn about anything else, like using a web browser. By this point I was quite upset. I told her I was getting off the phone, and would talk with her more when I was not so hurt by what she said.
A few weeks later (today) we saw each other. I was willing to put this behind us, but only if we talked about it so she understood what she had accused me of. I calmly brought up the topic and explained why what she did is exactly why I don’t like helping newbie computer people. I gave her the analogy of saying someone hacked into their system is a bit like saying someone broke into their house. I tried to explain that it is not something you accuse someone of without good reason and that it was very hurtful to me. By way of example, I showed her our WiFi login by our modem, and tried to explain how it worked very simply.
She said she was not willing to talk about it because she does not understand it, and she refused to listen to try understand it. I asked her if not understanding something was a reason to accuse someone of something, and then not be willing to listen to an explanation. She flatly refused. I told her that even if she does not want to understand it, she really should admit that she might be wrong because she does not understand it. Again she refused. Here I had stupidly thought that I might even get an apology — wrong!
Rob was was also surprised by her response. I think that anyone who knows me and knows a bit about computers would know how ridiculous this all is. Even if I had the knowledge to hack someone’s computer, what is the likely hood that I have that kind of free time, and what would be the purpose on a computer that is not used for anything but a few e-mails? I guess I should be flattered that she thinks I have enough time and knowledge to do this, but really, was this necessary? The funny thing is that she will probably never even see this post because she now refuses to even use her computer.
So, why am I writing this post? It’s to remind myself never ever again to go against my better judgement and help someone with their computer if they are not willing to help themselves. Clearly I need to get one of these t-shirts too. I am a bit concerned that in a small village like ours, I will probably hear rumours about this from someone when I am least expecting it, so maybe I will just send them this post. Then again, maybe rumours are not so bad, because if they think I am a hacker, they probably won’t be asking me for help.
Here are a few articles about people helping friends with their computers, which unfortunately, I have experienced most of the points mentioned over the years:
Ten reasons not to fix computers for free
6 Reasons The Guy Who’s Fixing Your Computer Hates You
Why It’s Better To Pretend You Don’t Know Anything About Computers
Why You Should Never Ask Friends or Family to Fix Your Computer
